If Marion can do it, so can I!

Mary Pat

“First of all, thank you for writing your book, second for coming to our class at Oxnard College, and lastly, thank you for opening up and sharing your testimony with all of us.  I read your book and loved it. I was leery and hesitant in reading it because of my own similar past experiences, but I am glad I got the courage to read it.

It brought me so much pain but yet so much validation and truth and release, all at the same time. I too had an alcoholic father and a very abusive mother. But oh how I loved her so. I was the oldest of six and had to help raise my siblings and mother too. She was very ill but yet still worked very hard to support all six of us by herself. I was born in the 50′s so you understand the parenting rituals of the parents back then. I am almost 60 years old and I am going to Oxnard College and taking courses of Alcohol and Drug Addictions, which have helped me so much, as well as your book. Thank God for my teachers there and for you, to help me finally see the truth, and myself, and most of all my mother and father and the reasoning behind their neglect and abuse. I thought I had overcome and survived it all when I never drank or did drugs or was like my mother. But I am finding out 50 years later that I am somewhat like my mother and I did not really overcome my issues. I just learned to hide them very well. And from time to time there are triggers and I find myself crying and feeling depressed. So because of you and my teachers, I am finding myself and getting help so that I can someday help others, just like you. Thank You, Marion…God Bless and much love… Rosie from California.”

George Armstrong Custer

I grew up in what was originally known as the Dakota Territory, and the Sioux Indians were a large part of that heritage.  In grade school we learned about the heroic feats of one George Armstrong Custer, and his defeat of the  Indian “savages.”  The textbooks relayed the story of the slaughter of 15 million buffalo as part of our great wartime tactics against the “hostiles,” since bison were the major source of sustenance to the Native Americans.  I listened to the teachers, and I read the books, yet even as a little girl I intuitively knew there must be something more to this story.  Yet as a child, I did not challenge what a teacher said or what was written.

And so another version of the history of my homeland was offered as I watched the play “Custer.” It was an outstanding performance by the St. Bonaventure High School Drama Department, under the care and direction of Patricia Strickland. The playbill described the play as “We explore the story of Custer to understand the history of the famous Battle of the Little Bighorn from the perspective of those who lived it, and to draw our own conclusions.  We invite you to join us.”

And so as the cast went on an exploration, the audience joined in.  The sets and the lighting were impeccably executed.  Each member of the production gave a heartfelt and credible performance.  It was clear that these actors had studied in-depth the characters and the history of the material.  Nick Perry gave us a particularity insightful look into the dark, brooding and alcoholic Major Marcus Reno, and Tayler Drew embodied Libby, Custer’s wife and most adoring fan.

Custer was depicted in this production in a very different light from how we typically see him in the action movies.  Arrogant, cunning and narcissistic are a few characteristics that came to my mind.  The dialogue available to Custer in the play was significantly less than that of his rival Benteen, so Charlie Strickland undertook the job of painting a picture of Custer by displaying his physicality, mannerisms and gestures. He succeeded, for when he was center stage, Strickland was not just playing Custer, he was inhabiting him.

Paul Defresne gave what I can only describe as one of the most commanding performances by a high school student that I have ever witnessed, through his intimate and honest portrayal of Captain Fred Benteen.  I was unaware of the nature of the relationship of Custer and Benteen until I saw this play, and I was mesmerized to watch it unfold. I became intrigued by the Benteen character, and was subsequently drawn to read his biography. I have no way of knowing if Defresne’s interpretation of this character is absolutely true to form or not, yet if I were Benteen, I think I would be pleased with his portrayal.

If you ever get a chance to see a performance of this play, please do so, as it is both thought-provoking and relevant.  Patricia Strickland sums us the production beautifully in her director’s note:

“There are contemporary parallels to be drawn from CUSTER, both culturally and personally.  We still follow leaders into “battle.” Leaders who have foible and who are all too human.  There is a shared philosophy of ‘We will stay the course no matter what reality is placed before us, both culturally and individually.’  Often we have an inability to step back and see from another perspective.  And like the Little Bighorn, our resulting actions can have resonating consequences.”

Billy Mills

One of the projects Billy Mills was involved in was the removal of offensive Native American mascots from the athletic departments of universities in the United States. His plea deeply touched me. The mascot of the university where I graduated was a caricature of a member of an Indian tribe, including a politically insensitive tag-line. Many Native Americans found this offensive, and they had waged battles against the school to have the mascot retired. They always lost.

When I returned to my office after Billy’s presentation, I wrote to the President of the school I graduated from and asked to have my name taken off of any school records. I advised him that I would reinstate my name after the mascot was changed.

I saw Billy again that week, and I told him what I had done.  I still cherish the autographed copy of ”Wokini: A Lakota Journey to Happiness and Self-Understanding“ that he gave me that day, and I will never forget the tears that welled up in his eyes as he signed his book.

I got a nice letter back from my university, stating that they were sorry I felt the way I did, but that the name was steeped in tradition and it was going to be retained. I am under no false illusions that my actions had any impact on my school’s position.  On the other hand, it was important for me to take a stance about an issue of which I felt strongly.

I would hope that each of us would do that at least once in our life.

To Makata Taka Hela – one of my heroes!

A big shout out of thanks to Addiction Treatment Magazine in Los Angeles, California, for the wonderful review of Little Madhouse on the Prairie. Visit their WEBSITE if you or someone you love is involved in alcohol or drug addiction.

Book Review – Little Madhouse on the Prairie: A True-Life Story of Overcoming Abuse and Healing the Spirit

The title alone is enough to make you want to pick up the book, Little Madhouse on the Prairie: A True-Life Story of Overcoming Abuse and Healing the Spirit, by Marion Elizabeth Witte, and read it. But this is no charming story of a Laura Ingalls character. It is a heartfelt and often painful to read account of a childhood weighed down by abuse, alcoholism, incredible hardship and abandonment.

Having said that, the book is extraordinary in that it shows very clearly that it is possible to overcome such a dismal and unpromising past and go on to achieve a happy and normal life.

No, it isn’t easy. Getting over such a horrific past couldn’t possibly be easy and, as Ms. Witte is the first to say, it takes some doing on a continual basis. Not the getting over it, but the getting beyond it.

You see, there are the reminders that come along when you least expect it. You see a mother chastising her child in the store and you’re immediately brought right back to that painfully dark place in your memory of the time when you were so abused by one of your parents. It could be a harsh word that you hear or a certain look on someone’s face that you wince at – because it makes you recall episodes where all you wanted to do was run and hide from an abusive parent or sibling.

Ms. Witte certainly takes the reader through those bleak days on the prairie, and her writing, while not overtly explicit in the painful details, is vivid enough that anyone can understand how difficult an upbringing she endured. How would any of us react to being locked in a dark and dirty cellar in the middle of winter, one crawling with mice and rats? Or being forced to sleep in our own urine-soaked bed when we’ve had an accident? Or forced to wear boy’s hand-me-down clothes (when we’re a girl)? How would we deal with an alcoholic father who abandoned us emotionally as well as physically? If he wasn’t there for us when we needed protecting, that’s abandonment, plain and simple. And Ms. Witte had to endure all of this. No wonder she couldn’t wait to escape, as so many children who are abused wind up doing.

But just getting out of the abusive household does nothing to eradicate the painful past. This is another lesson that Ms. Witte learned and passes along to readers. It seems that you carry the past right along with you, whether you like it or not. Of course, she tried to block out the memories, just as others who have suffered childhood abuse have done. But they are always there under the surface, ready to rise up and alter behavior today. That is, unless the individual goes into therapy, seeks the support and encouragement of others, and embarks on a journey of self-discovery and self-healing.

The funny thing about healing from childhood abuse, whether the abuse is physical, sexual, or psychological, is that it may seem to others that everything is fine. The individual may appear perfectly composed, capable, not at all troubled by the past, when what is really going on is that their emotions are in turmoil. They may be at a breaking point and not even know it. It may even turn out that, just like in Ms. Witte’s experience, their body will turn against them. If we ignore what is unhealed, we will continue to suffer.

Worst of all, our lives will continue to remain unfulfilled. We will sabotage relationships with those we love and end promising careers, thwart our hopes for future happiness – if we even dare to believe that we could ever truly be happy.

Healing, then, is something that those who have suffered abuse must work at – but they cannot heal by themselves. They require assistance from professionals, those trained in helping individuals overcome past abuse and trauma, learn new coping skills and behaviors, and begin, most of all, to believe that they are worthwhile and worthy of love.

Whether you are yourself the victim of childhood abuse or you know someone who is, this book will help you realize that there is a way out of the painful past. There is hope and promise available. The first step is to acknowledge that hope does exist. The next step is to go after it by seeking professional help.

Why did Ms. Witte write this book? Why did she reveal so much about her past? Her words are very direct: “I offer my story as a confirmation of my belief that all events and circumstances in life have purpose. Sometimes we find out what the purpose is immediately. Sometimes we spend a lifetime trying to figure it out. And sometimes, I imagine, we never really do know…. I humbly offer myself as an example that the human spirit can rise above any obstacles presented to it. I know my life has been divinely guided. And if mine has been, then so has yours.”

Marion Witte also established the Angel Heart Foundation, a non-profit organization that promotes personal healing as a primary step in the prevention of abuse. The Angel Heart Foundation carries the motto: All Children Deserve a Safe and Just World.

McGuffy's Reader

Thank you McGuffy Ann!  And yes, readers, that is her real name.

My deep appreciation for the heartfelt and touching review you posted of my book.  I appreciate very much that you choose to read my story and then took the time to post your wonderful thoughts and comments.

And I love your blog - how lucky are those cats!

You can read her review at  McGuffy’s Reader.

Jill Robinson

On July 27th, Jill Robinson of Communication Connection invited me to speak about my life, my story and my book. Her specialty is in helping people become better communicators.  She believes that a high percentage of stressed or troubled relationships can be helped if people could become better at effective communication. Jill offers many tools to improve communication, thus helping relationships thrive!  Her passion for healing and aiding others is evident in her calm, patient, focused approach, as she achieves extraordinary results. Her website address is JillRobinson.com.

These interviews can be listened to or downloaded on this site at Listen to Marion Witte.

A big thank you to both Jill and Sue!

My thanks to Leslie Hope for allowing me to post her quote on my website.  You may recognize her as “Kristina Frye” on The Mentalist, or from her appearances on Private Practice, Law & Order and Jesse Stone.  She has over 90 television and movie appearances to her credit, and she is also an accomplished director, writer and producer.

My appreciation to you, Leslie.

I don’t remember my brother holding on to me as we sat on the steps of our old farmhouse.  The picture of the two of us would suggest that he was protecting me from falling off the landing.  I think it also reveals some sort of special bond, or perhaps an unspoken secret between us.

I have a vague memory of my brother holding my hand as we stood on the sidewalk outside our great-aunt’s home in Grand Forks, North Dakota.  He seems to be holding me back from racing ahead to some unknown danger on that street.  Or perhaps it was from some personal danger that he knew all too well.

The next time I remember holding my brother’s hands was decades later, as we danced at his son’s wedding.  He had developed farmer’s hands, weathered and calloused from years of working the soil, repairing machinery and enduring the bitter weather of North Dakota.  It is not difficult to discern his occupation, for he wears it on his hands.

This spring, five years after that wedding, we were sitting at his kitchen table.  No steps outside to sit on, no sidewalks to race down, no dance steps to follow.  Now it was my turn to be the hand-holder, as I attempted to stop the tremors which neither he nor his medication seemed able to control.  I gently reached over and patted his hand.  I knew that my touch was but a temporary respite from the uncontrollable movements.  The truth was, I was really making an attempt to let him know that I understood.

I find myself pondering why my brother was one of those unfortunate men who get Parkinson’s disease way too early in life.  I have researched this illness, and discovered that its exact cause is undetermined, although theories suggest a link to genetic predisposition or perhaps an exposure to the many chemicals that are used by those in the field of agriculture.

I wonder about these things, as I have wondered about a lot of things the last few years.  I do know that some little children, who experience things that no little child should experience, are forced to “keep quiet and be still.”

Lately I wonder if there is a time when the hands of those little children can no longer obey such a command.

I love you, Frankie.

These musings crossed my mind:

-  I believe that most of us, if we live long enough on this planet, will garner a few enemies here and there.  I know I have.  I tried to picture what my family might feel like if one of these folks showed up at my memorial service, chanting their excitement that I was dead.  And I tried to think about what their intention in doing so might be.

-  I wonder what it is in our human nature that we can so easily garner so much hatred so quickly.  I do not believe we were born with that type of anger and fear in our hearts, so I suggest that we must have learned it somewhere along the line.

-  Does the reason we hate and vilify another person have any relationship to how we feel about ourselves?

-  Given the propensity for humans to follow the lead of others, how easily could crowd jubilation turn into mob action?

I have given thought to these questions, and I still await the answers for myself.  My pondering actually left me needing to explore my own behavior and reaction to this event.

When I observed that Osama Bin Laden’s death was being exploited in the news media and beyond, I considered it another obsession that society has with violence and, quite frankly, media ratings.   After watching the reaction of people around the world, I think it was necessary for that exposure to happen, as it became an important world-wide “teachable moment” available to each of us.

When we put our own emotions of this event aside, we have the opportunity to ask ourselves questions about ourselves, and ponder the answers we receive.

To your teachable moment,
Marion